Hello old-fashioned travelling crew! Today, we have an interesting topic to deal with: full-time travelling and relationships.
Of course, choosing to spend your life without roots impacts all aspects of your existence. Our society is not structured for nomads. I experience this every time I have to deal with the endless bureaucratic practices of travelling to a new country.
But it’s not only bureaucracy. People aren’t used to this lifestyle either. Yet, our society is moving more and more in this direction.
How many of your childhood friends are now living abroad? If back in the day, people used to spend all their lives in the same land, knew everybody in their community, and never ventured farther than 50 km from their home, today plenty of people decide to leave. In this scenario, digital nomads like myself are the extremists. We don’t only choose to settle somewhere else. We choose not to settle. So, how does this affect our relationships?
This lifestyle pushes you to live in the moment. Carpe diem, babe!
Before starting to travel, I would have never put an effort into a relationship, whether a friendship or a romantic bond, knowing that it would one day end. Why trying if I already know that it’s only temporary? Travelling taught me that there is a simple answer to this. To enjoy life! Just because something has an end doesn’t mean it’s not worth living.
I’ve seen so many people who prefer to choose apathy to avoid getting hurt. Unless they find the perfect person and the perfect situation, they will never start something because the idea of failure and of getting hurt paralyses them.
With time, I learned that the fear of being unhappy soon turns into the fear of being happy. You don’t want to allow yourself that happiness because of fear it may one day end. If that’s you, you’re actually choosing apathy.
I would much rather experience all my emotions at the fullest, from the most intense happiness to the unique sadness of hugging someone you love, knowing that you’ll never see them again.
Another thing I learned is to be more careful. To live all your emotions to the fullest while avoiding hurting people.
Let’s be honest. The chances of seeing someone again are basically zero when travelling full-time. As travellers, we often don’t realise how much we mean to others. Especially when travelling to small communities, it is so easy for locals to idealise us.
We are often a symbol. A symbol for everything they can no longer stand in their community. Someone different, someone without the old mentality of their hometown. A breath of fresh air.
Of course, you may feel the same way. All emotions are stronger when travelling! Yet, I can assure you that things will change in a couple of months when rowing on an Irish river when climbing a dune in the Sahara, when hitchhiking in Turkey…
Emotions and feelings are temporary. Love is not an emotion; it’s a choice. Whatever you are feeling now will eventually pass.
So, you start to be careful. You make everything clear with whoever you meet. You reiterate the concept that you will leave over and over again to prevent hurting people. Yet, no matter what, some people will still get hurt. And this is one of the ugly compromises you need to deal with when travelling.
But while most of your relationships will be temporary, this won’t always be the case.
Travelling full-time teaches you the need to put effort into relationships. To not take people for granted. To go that extra mile (sometimes a few hundred miles!) to meet an old friend.
But the truth is that no matter how much effort you put into your relationships, they will always be different. You can call your friends once a week, but it will never be like living in the same town. You can organize amazing trips with your partner, but you’ll never be like a couple sharing an apartment 365 days of the year.
Of course, travelling teaches you not to take people for granted and to have your own independence. You certainly cannot be codependent on someone when adopting this lifestyle. Yet, it also takes away from your relationships.
When you go home after a long trip to a foreign land, you always get the impression that nothing has changed. You may not see your best friends for years, but the moment you’re back together, you will have the exact same interactions you used to have before you left. As if not a single day has passed. But days did pass.
Your friend will have a few extra wrinkles on his face. Your town will look just the same, but there will be a few new stores. Your friends may be more careful with their words, less impulsive with their actions. As if they suddenly grew up while you were away. People who swore they would never get married may have a ring on their finger.
Old relatives who were completely healthy the last time you saw them may be suddenly stuck in bed. But this is sudden only for you. Because you weren’t there to see the process. This is, unfortunately, the ugly truth about travelling full-time. The ugly compromise you need to make.
When you travel full-time, you choose yourself over relationships. That’s the biggest compromise, in all its positive and negative facets. So, before adopting this lifestyle. Make sure to ask yourself whether you are ready for it. Because your freedom to travel often stands in the way of your freedom live your relationships at the fullest.
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